How to Start Divorce Proceedings in South Africa: A Step-by-Step Guide

Deciding to get divorced and knowing how to actually begin are two very different things.

You may have known for months that your marriage was coming to an end. Or perhaps something happened recently and, for the first time, you are seriously considering divorce.

Either way, the practical questions tend to arrive quickly.

Where do I start?

Do I need a lawyer?

What documents do I need?

What happens if my spouse refuses?

What happens to the house, our money, or my pension?

And if we have children, what happens to them?

It can feel like you need to answer everything before you take the first step.

You don’t.

Before starting divorce proceedings, it is important to understand what the process involves and how it may affect you.

In South Africa, divorce proceedings generally begin when a divorce summons is issued by a court with jurisdiction and formally served on your spouse by the sheriff.

However, there are important considerations before taking this step.

Depending on your circumstances, a divorce may involve dividing property and debts, addressing pension interests, determining maintenance obligations, and deciding on living arrangements. If you have children, you may also need to make arrangements for their care and contact with each parent.

Understanding these issues early can help you prepare properly, protect your interests, and make informed decisions throughout the divorce process.

So before worrying about court dates and paperwork, start with something simpler: Understand your position.

Are you unsure how prepared you are for divorce?

Take our Divorce Readiness Assessment to identify the areas you may need to think about before deciding what to do next.

What Do You Need to Start Divorce Proceedings in South Africa?

You don’t need to arrive at an attorney’s office with a perfectly organised folder and every financial document you’ve accumulated during your marriage.

But gathering some basic information early can make it much easier to understand your situation.

Depending on your circumstances, useful documents and information may include:

• Your marriage certificate
• Your identity document
• Your antenuptial contract, if you have one
• Your children’s birth certificates, where applicable
• Information about your pension or retirement funds
• Details of property and other significant assets
• Information about debts and financial obligations
• Your income and regular household expenses
• Your spouse’s basic identifying and contact information

You may not have access to everything.

That doesn’t necessarily prevent you from asking for advice or understanding your options.

The point is to begin building a picture of the marriage financially and practically.

And as you gather information, pay attention to the questions that come up.

Perhaps you know what your house is worth, but don’t know what happens to it after divorce.

Perhaps you have a pension but have no idea whether your spouse could have a claim against it.

Perhaps you and your spouse have verbally agreed on arrangements for the children, but you’re unsure whether to formalise them.

Those questions matter.

Having information is useful. Understanding what that information means for you is even more important.

Do You Need a Lawyer to Start Divorce Proceedings?

In some circumstances, it is possible to handle a divorce without appointing an attorney.

But the better question isn’t simply:

“Can I do this myself?”

It is:

“Is my situation straightforward enough that I am comfortable making these decisions without legal advice?”

That distinction matters.

A divorce may look simple at first because both spouses want to separate. But agreeing that the marriage should end is not the same as agreeing—or fully understanding—what should happen afterwards.

Legal advice becomes particularly worth considering where there are:

• Minor children
• Property or significant assets
• Pension or retirement interests
• Substantial debts
• Maintenance questions
• A business or other complex financial interests
• Disagreement between spouses
• Concerns about financial disclosure
• Pressure to sign an agreement
• Uncertainty about what you may be entitled to

Speaking to an attorney also doesn’t mean you are committing yourself to a long court battle.

Sometimes the most useful legal conversation happens before anything becomes contentious.

You can understand your position first and decide what you want to do afterwards.

Have questions about your own circumstances?

A confidential consultation can help you understand your options before you make important decisions about your divorce.

Step 1: Understand Whether Your Divorce Is Likely to Be Contested or Uncontested

One of the first things to understand is whether you and your spouse are likely to agree on the important issues.

This can have a major effect on how the divorce proceeds.

An uncontested divorce is one in which the spouses can reach an agreement on the consequences of the divorce.

What Is an Uncontested Divorce?

That might include matters such as:

• How assets will be dealt with
• Who will be responsible for particular debts
• Maintenance
• Pension interests
• What happens to the family home
• Care and contact arrangements for children

The important word here is agreement.

But don’t confuse agreement with speed.

There can be a temptation to think:

“We aren’t fighting, so let’s just sign everything and get it done.”

An amicable divorce is generally preferable to unnecessary conflict. But even when you trust each other and genuinely want a fair outcome, you should understand the consequences of what you are agreeing to.

Peace is valuable.

So, it is making an informed decision.

What Is a Contested Divorce?

A divorce becomes contested when the spouses cannot agree on one or more important issues.

You might both accept that the marriage is over, but disagree about the house.

Or the children.

Or maintenance.

Or pensions.

Or how assets and debts should be dealt with.

Sometimes a divorce starts cooperatively and becomes contested later. Sometimes the conflict is obvious from the beginning.

A contested divorce generally requires more legal work because the unresolved issues must be negotiated, mediated where appropriate, or ultimately determined through the legal process.

This is also why getting advice early can matter.

The earlier you understand which issues are likely to cause disagreement, the better prepared you can be to deal with them.

What if Your Spouse Doesn’t Want the Divorce?

This is one of the questions that causes people enormous anxiety.

You may hear:

“I’m not giving you a divorce.”

Or:

“I’m never signing anything.”

And suddenly, it can feel as though your future depends entirely on whether your spouse cooperates.

It doesn’t work quite that way.

Your spouse refusing to agree does not, by itself, mean that you must remain married indefinitely.

What can change is how the divorce proceeds.

Instead of an uncontested process where the important issues are agreed upon, the matter may become contested and require additional legal steps.

So if your spouse is refusing to cooperate, don’t spend months assuming that means you have no options.

Find out what your options actually are.

Is your spouse making the divorce difficult or refusing to cooperate?

You don’t have to work out your next move alone. Speak to SM Farah Attorneys about what is happening and what options may be available in your circumstances.

Step 2: Understand What Needs to Be Resolved Before the Divorce Is Finalised

This is where many people discover that getting divorced involves more than simply filing papers.

Ending the marriage is one part of the process.

You also need to deal with the life that was built during the marriage—and the life that will exist afterwards.

Property and Assets

What happens to property depends heavily on your matrimonial property regime and your individual circumstances.

For example, the position may differ depending on whether you are married:

• In community of property
• Out of community of property without accrual
• Out of community of property with accrual

This can affect how assets are dealt with when the marriage ends.

Before casually agreeing that “you take this and I’ll take that,” make sure you understand what the proposed arrangement actually means.

Debt and Financial Obligations

Assets are only half the financial picture.

There may also be:

• Home loans
• Vehicle finance
• Credit agreements
• Personal loans
• Credit-card debt
• Business obligations
• Other liabilities

One of the most useful things you can do early is build a realistic picture of what you own, what you owe, and what your financial life may look like after divorce.

Pension and Retirement Interests

For many couples, retirement savings may be one of the largest financial interests involved in the divorce.

Yet pensions are often overlooked because they don’t feel as immediate as a house, a car, or money sitting in a bank account.

Don’t assume you know what will happen to a pension simply because it is held in one spouse’s name.

If retirement interests form a meaningful part of your financial position, understand how they may be affected before finalising a settlement.

Maintenance

There may also be questions about child maintenance and, depending on the circumstances, spousal maintenance.

These questions are rarely solved well by simply asking:

“What does everyone normally pay?”

Maintenance depends on the circumstances involved.

If children are involved, their needs and the parents’ respective financial positions become important considerations.

Children, Care and Contact

For parents, this may be the hardest part of all.

Where will the children live?

How will they spend time with each parent?

What happens with school holidays?

Who makes important decisions?

How will their expenses be handled?

The temptation is to think only about what feels workable this week.

Try to think further ahead.

A good arrangement shouldn’t merely end today’s argument. It should give your children as much stability and predictability as reasonably possible after the family structure changes.

And that brings us to perhaps the most important idea to keep in mind before you formally start divorce proceedings:

You don’t need to predict everything that will happen.

You don’t need to know every section of the law.

You don’t need to resolve every disagreement.

But you should understand the decisions ahead of you well enough to recognise which ones deserve careful thought before you make them.

If you’re still unsure where you stand, that’s a useful thing to know.

It means your next step may not be making a decision.

It may simply be getting clarity.

Take the Divorce Readiness Assessment to identify the areas that may need your attention, or book a confidential consultation if you’d prefer to discuss your circumstances directly with an attorney.

Step 3: Determine Which Court Has Jurisdiction

Once you have a clearer idea of the issues that may need to be resolved, the next question is practical:

Where do you actually start the divorce?

In South Africa, divorce proceedings can generally be instituted in either the High Court or a Regional Court with the necessary jurisdiction.

You don’t simply choose whichever court is most convenient.

Which court can hear the divorce depends on factors such as where you or your spouse is domiciled or ordinarily resident.

That may sound technical, but the important point is simple:

The divorce needs to be started in the correct court.

Regional Court vs High Court

Both the Regional Court and the High Court can deal with divorce matters.

For many people, the important question isn’t which court sounds more important. The question is which court has jurisdiction over the particular matter and which forum is appropriate in the circumstances.

This is one of those procedural details that can feel minor when you’re focused on much bigger questions about your marriage, children, or finances.

But getting the procedure right from the beginning matters.

If you’re working with a divorce attorney, they can determine the appropriate court before proceedings are instituted.

What Determines Which Court You Should Use?

Jurisdiction can depend on where you and your spouse are domiciled or where one of you has been ordinarily resident for the required period.

If you and your spouse live in different areas—or one of you has moved—it may not be immediately obvious where proceedings should begin.

You don’t need to become an expert in jurisdiction yourself.

You simply need to recognise that where you file is a legal question, not just a matter of convenience.

Once the appropriate court has been identified, the formal divorce process can begin.

Step 4: Prepare and Issue the Divorce Summons

This is where divorce proceedings formally start.

A divorce summons is prepared and issued through the appropriate court.

If you are the spouse starting the proceedings, you are generally referred to as the plaintiff.

Your spouse is the defendant.

The summons sets out the fact that you are seeking a divorce and the relief you are asking the court to grant.

But think of it as more than a document that says:

“I want a divorce.”

It begins putting the legal shape around what needs to happen when the marriage ends.

What Information Goes Into a Divorce Summons?

The exact contents depend on the circumstances, but the divorce papers may need to deal with matters such as:

• Details of the marriage
• The matrimonial property regime
• The basis on which the marriage has broken down
• Children of the marriage, where applicable
• Care and contact arrangements
• Child or spousal maintenance, where relevant
• Property and financial issues
• Pension interests, where applicable
• The orders or relief being requested from the court

This is one reason why the preparation we discussed earlier matters.

What happens to the house?

What should happen with the children?

What are you asking for regarding maintenance?

What financial issues need to be addressed?

You may not have every answer before proceedings begin, particularly if you and your spouse disagree.

But the process eventually has to move from:

“We are getting divorced.”

to:

“This is what needs to be resolved.”

And there is an important difference between the two.

Step 5: The Sheriff Serves the Divorce Summons on Your Spouse

Once the summons has been issued, your spouse needs to be formally notified of the proceedings.

This isn’t usually a matter of printing the papers, leaving them on the kitchen table, and saying:

“There. You’ve been served.”

The divorce summons must be served in accordance with the applicable court rules and is generally served personally by the sheriff on the other spouse.

That formality serves an important purpose.

The court needs to know that the other person has been properly informed that divorce proceedings have been instituted and has been given an opportunity to respond.

For some people, this is the point where the divorce suddenly feels real.

Until then, you may have discussed separating.

You may have moved into different rooms or different homes.

You may have told friends and family.

You may even have agreed that the marriage is over.

But receiving formal court papers is different.

That is worth remembering if you’re hoping to keep the process as constructive as possible.

Where it is safe and appropriate to do so, discussing how the process will unfold beforehand may reduce some of the shock and unnecessary hostility that can arise when formal papers arrive unexpectedly.

Of course, not every relationship allows for that.

And sometimes communication has already completely broken down.

What Happens if Your Spouse Avoids the Sheriff?

People sometimes assume that avoiding the papers means avoiding the divorce.

It isn’t necessarily that simple.

Difficulties with service can affect how the process moves forward, but they do not automatically give one spouse an indefinite ability to prevent the other from pursuing a divorce.

If your spouse is deliberately avoiding service, cannot be easily located, lives outside South Africa, or there are other complications, additional legal steps may be required.

This is exactly the kind of situation where generic online instructions become less useful.

The question stops being:

“How does divorce normally work?”

and becomes:

“What can I do in my particular circumstances?”

If you’re already dealing with an uncooperative spouse, getting advice early can help you understand the available route forward rather than repeatedly trying to solve the problem yourself.

Step 6: Your Spouse Has an Opportunity to Respond

Being served with divorce papers does not mean the divorce is immediately final.

Your spouse must be given an opportunity to respond.

And what happens at this stage can determine whether the matter remains relatively straightforward or develops into a contested divorce.

Broadly, there are two possibilities:

Your spouse does not defend the proceedings.

Or:

Your spouse decides to defend them.

Let’s look at what those situations can mean.

What Happens if Your Spouse Doesn’t Respond?

If your spouse does not defend the divorce within the applicable period after proper service, the matter may ultimately proceed on an unopposed basis, provided the necessary procedural requirements have been satisfied.

But “they didn’t respond” should not be confused with “the divorce happens automatically.”

The court process still needs to be followed.

The court will still need to be satisfied that the requirements for granting the divorce have been met, and where children are involved, their interests remain important.

So silence from your spouse does not mean you should simply assume everything has been resolved.

It means the matter may follow a different procedural route.

What Happens if Your Spouse Defends the Divorce?

This is often the moment people become worried.

Your spouse receives the papers and says:

“I’m fighting this.”

But it’s worth asking:

What exactly are they fighting?

Sometimes the disagreement isn’t really about whether the marriage should end.

It is about what happens as the marriage ends.

They may disagree about:

• How should property be divided
• Pension interests
• Maintenance
• Who should remain in the family home
• Arrangements involving the children
• Financial disclosure
• The terms of a proposed settlement

That distinction matters.

A spouse defending proceedings does not necessarily mean you are trapped in the marriage.

It means there are issues that may now need to be properly resolved.

And this is where reacting emotionally can become expensive.

When conflict increases, there can be a strong temptation to respond immediately:

“Fine, I’ll fight you on everything.”

Or the opposite:

“Fine. Take whatever you want. I just want this finished.”

Neither reaction necessarily serves you well.

A disagreement doesn’t require you to panic. It requires you to understand what is actually in dispute and what your options are for resolving it.

Some disagreements can still be negotiated.

Some matters can be resolved through settlement discussions.

And some may ultimately require the court’s intervention.

The important thing is not to let the other person’s anger, threats, or refusal to cooperate make your decisions.

And remember: starting divorce proceedings does not mean that every disagreement must end in a courtroom battle.

Even after proceedings have begun, there may still be opportunities to negotiate, reach agreement, and narrow the remaining issues in dispute.

That’s what we’ll look at next.

Step 7: Negotiate and Finalise the Divorce Terms

Starting divorce proceedings doesn’t mean you and your spouse have lost the opportunity to reach an agreement.

In fact, even a divorce that begins with disagreement can eventually be settled.

That matters because sometimes people hear the word “contested” and immediately imagine years of court battles.

It doesn’t necessarily have to unfold that way.

The real question is:

What still needs to be resolved?

Perhaps you agree about the children, but not the house.

Perhaps you’ve reached agreement on most of your finances, but there’s a dispute about pension interests.

Perhaps you both want the divorce, but neither of you agrees on what a fair settlement looks like.

The goal should be to identify those points clearly and determine whether they can be resolved without asking a court to decide every issue for you.

Settlement Negotiations

Settlement negotiations give you and your spouse an opportunity to find common ground on the consequences of the divorce.

Depending on the circumstances, discussions may cover:

• Property and assets
• Debts and liabilities
• Pension interests
• Child maintenance
• Spousal maintenance
• Care and contact arrangements for children
• Other financial or practical issues arising from the marriage

Reaching an agreement can reduce conflict, uncertainty, time, and legal costs.

But there is an important caution.

A quick agreement isn’t necessarily a good agreement.

When you’ve lived with conflict for months—or sometimes years—the promise of simply getting everything over with can be incredibly attractive.

You may find yourself thinking:

“I’ll just agree. I want my life back.”

That feeling is understandable.

But a settlement can affect your life long after the frustration that produced it has disappeared.

Before agreeing, ask yourself:

Do I understand what I’m agreeing to?

Do I understand what I’m giving up?

Can this arrangement realistically work after the divorce?

Am I agreeing because it makes sense—or because I’m exhausted?

There is nothing wrong with compromise.

The important thing is to ensure it is an informed compromise, rather than a decision made simply to escape today’s pressure.

Can a Contested Divorce Later Become Uncontested?

Yes.

A divorce may begin with significant disagreement but become much simpler if the spouses later resolve their issues.

This is worth remembering.

Conflict today doesn’t necessarily mean conflict throughout the entire divorce.

Positions change.

More information becomes available.

Negotiations happen.

Sometimes both people simply reach the point where they can see a workable way forward.

So the objective shouldn’t automatically be to “win the fight.”

It should aim to resolve important issues fairly and appropriately while protecting what genuinely matters.

Step 8: Make Arrangements for Minor Children

For parents, divorce is rarely just about two adults ending their marriage.

There are children who still need routines.

School still starts on Monday morning.

Birthdays still happen.

Someone still needs to collect them.

Medical decisions still need to be made.

School fees and everyday expenses still need to be paid.

And children still need meaningful relationships, stability, and care while the adults around them are going through a major change.

That is why arrangements involving children deserve more than:

“We’ll figure it out as we go.”

Care and Contact

You and your spouse may need to consider practical questions such as:

• Where will the children primarily live?
• How will they spend time with each parent?
• How will weekends and school holidays work?
• Who handles school runs and extracurricular activities?
• How will birthdays and special occasions be managed?
• How will important decisions concerning the children be made?
• What happens if one parent’s circumstances change?

The law places the best interests of the child at the centre of decisions affecting children.

That doesn’t mean there is one standard arrangement that works for every family.

Families are different.

Work schedules are different.

Children’s ages and needs are different.

The practical realities of each household are different.

What matters is developing arrangements that genuinely work for the children involved—not simply arrangements that sound fair to the adults.

What Is a Parenting Plan?

A parenting plan can record how parents intend to exercise their parental responsibilities and rights after separation or divorce.

Depending on the circumstances, it can address matters such as:

• Where the children will live
• Contact with each parent
• Schooling
• Religious upbringing
• Financial responsibilities
• Holidays and special occasions
• How important decisions will be handled

A useful parenting plan should do more than settle today’s disagreement.

It should reduce the number of avoidable disagreements you’ll face tomorrow.

For example, saying:

“We’ll share the holidays.”

Sounds reasonable.

But what does that actually mean?

Which holidays?

Where does Christmas fall?

What time does collection happen?

What if one parent wants to travel?

The clearer the arrangement, the less room there may be for future misunderstanding.

What Does the Family Advocate Do?

Where minor children are involved, the Office of the Family Advocate may play an important role in the divorce process.

Its focus is on the children’s interests.

Depending on the circumstances, the Family Advocate may consider the proposed arrangements for the children, engage with the parents, and make recommendations to the court.

This is another reason why parenting arrangements shouldn’t be approached simply as:

“What do I want?”

The more useful question is:

“What arrangement serves our children’s interests and can realistically work?”

Worried about what divorce could mean for your children?

Our Divorce Readiness Assessment can help you identify the issues you may need to think through before making decisions about your next steps.

Step 9: Prepare for the Divorce Hearing

Once the necessary issues have been dealt with and the matter is ready to proceed, the divorce will need to come before the court.

What happens at this stage depends considerably on whether the divorce is uncontested or contested.

In an uncontested divorce, the process is generally more straightforward because the major consequences have already been agreed upon.

The matter can be enrolled for hearing, the necessary evidence placed before the court, and the court can consider whether the legal requirements for granting the divorce have been satisfied.

Where children are involved, the court must also be satisfied that the arrangements concerning them are appropriate.

A contested matter can involve considerably more before reaching finality, as unresolved issues may require further legal processes, evidence, negotiation, and potentially a court determination.

Do You Have to Appear in Court for a Divorce?

Court attendance will depend on the nature and circumstances of the matter, as well as the applicable procedure.

If you’re concerned about appearing in court, don’t let the uncertainty become bigger than the reality.

Ask your attorney:

• Whether you will need to attend
• What will happen on the day
• What questions may you be asked
• What documents are required
• How long is the appearance likely to take

Often, knowing what to expect makes the process feel far less intimidating.

Step 10: The Court Grants the Divorce Order

A marriage isn’t legally ended simply because you separate.

It doesn’t end just because one spouse moves out.

And it hasn’t ended because you’ve both signed an informal agreement saying the relationship is over.

The marriage is legally dissolved when the court grants the divorce order.

Where you and your spouse have reached a settlement, the settlement agreement may, where appropriate, be incorporated into the court order.

Once the divorce has been granted, keep copies of the final divorce order and any agreement incorporated into it in a safe place.

These documents may become important later when dealing with matters such as property, pension interests, maintenance, or other obligations arising from the divorce.

For many people, receiving the divorce order feels like the end of a very long journey.

Legally, it is the end of the marriage.

Practically, however, it is also the beginning of whatever comes next.

And that is why the decisions made before the order is granted matter so much.

How Long Does It Take to Get Divorced in South Africa?

This is one of the first questions almost everyone asks.

Unfortunately, there isn’t one reliable timeline that applies to every divorce.

The biggest factor is often whether the matter is uncontested or contested.

How Long Does an Uncontested Divorce Take?

An uncontested divorce can generally move more efficiently because the spouses have already resolved the important issues between them.

But the exact timing can still depend on factors such as:

• The court involved
• Court availability
• Whether the paperwork is correctly prepared
• Service of the summons
• Whether minor children are involved
• Whether all necessary agreements and documents are ready

So be careful with anyone who promises that every divorce will be completed within a particular number of weeks.

Your circumstances matter.

How Long Does a Contested Divorce Take?

A contested divorce can take considerably longer.

The timeline may be affected by:

• The number and complexity of disputed issues
• Financial disclosure
• Property disputes
• Pension issues
• Maintenance disputes
• Disagreements involving children
• Expert evidence where required
• Negotiations between the parties
• Court processes and availability

But remember something we discussed earlier:

A divorce that starts contested doesn’t necessarily have to remain contested.

If the parties reach an agreement along the way, the issues requiring determination can narrow considerably.

This is another reason why the quality of the decisions made during the process matters.

Sometimes resolving the right disagreement is more valuable than fighting every disagreement.

How Much Does It Cost to Start Divorce Proceedings?

There is no single price for divorce in South Africa because the amount of legal work required can vary significantly from one matter to another.

An uncomplicated, uncontested divorce and a heavily disputed divorce involving property, children, and complex finances are very different matters.

Potential costs can include:

• Attorney’s fees
• Sheriff’s fees for service
• Court-related expenses
• Costs associated with negotiations
• Expert or professional fees, where required
• Additional legal work if the matter becomes contested

Generally, the more issues that remain in dispute, the more work may be required to resolve them.

This leads to an important point about divorce costs:

The cheapest decision today isn’t always the least expensive decision in the long run.

Giving up a financial interest you didn’t understand simply to save on legal fees may ultimately cost far more.

Equally, fighting unnecessarily over every small disagreement can increase costs without producing a better outcome.

The goal is not:

“How do I spend as little as possible today?”

A better question is:

“How do I resolve this as efficiently as possible without making decisions I may regret later?”

That balance—between unnecessary conflict and unnecessary compromise—is often where good legal guidance becomes most valuable.

Want to understand what the divorce process could look like in your circumstances?

You don’t have to wait until something goes wrong to ask for advice. Speak confidentially with SM Farah Attorneys about your situation, the issues you may need to resolve, and what your next steps could be.

By this stage, you can probably see that starting a divorce is not simply a matter of completing forms.

The formal process matters.

But so do the decisions you make along the way.

And some of the most important work can happen before you ever walk into court.

In the final section, we’ll look at what you can do before starting proceedings to put yourself in a stronger position—and the situations where getting legal advice early may prevent much bigger problems later.

What Should You Do Before Starting Divorce Proceedings?

By now, you know how divorce proceedings begin and what can happen once the process is underway.

But there is one more question worth asking before you start:

What can you do now to make yourself better prepared for what comes next?

Divorce can create a strange sense of urgency.

Once you’ve decided the marriage may be over, it is tempting to feel that you need to do something immediately—move out, confront your spouse, divide the accounts, agree on the children, sign an offer, or simply file the papers and deal with everything else later.

Sometimes action is necessary.

But where you have the opportunity to prepare, use it.

A little clarity before the process begins can prevent a great deal of confusion later.

1. Gather Your Important Financial Documents

Start with what you can reasonably access.

Depending on your circumstances, that might include:

• Bank statements
• Home loan documents
• Property information
• Vehicle finance agreements
• Pension or retirement fund statements
• Investment records
• Credit agreements
• Tax information
• Insurance policies
• Business or company documents, where relevant
• Records of significant household expenses

You don’t need to become your own forensic accountant.

You’re trying to answer a simpler question:

What does our financial life actually look like?

That can be surprisingly difficult to answer when one spouse has traditionally managed most of the family’s finances.

If there are accounts, assets, or financial arrangements you don’t understand, make a note of them rather than guessing.

2. Understand How You Are Married

Knowing that you’re married isn’t enough.

You should also know your matrimonial property regime.

Are you married in community of property?

Out of community of property?

If you signed an antenuptial contract, does the accrual system apply?

These distinctions can have significant consequences for how property and financial interests are dealt with when you divorce.

If you have an antenuptial contract but don’t fully understand what it means, find it and have it explained to you.

Don’t base an important financial decision on what a friend told you happened in their divorce.

Their marriage may have been governed by completely different rules.

3. Make a Realistic List of What You Own and What You Owe

Think beyond the obvious assets.

The family home and cars may come to mind first, but your financial picture could also include:

• Savings
• Investments
• Retirement funds
• Business interests
• Valuable personal property
• Loans
• Credit cards
• Bonds
• Tax liabilities
• Other financial commitments

You don’t necessarily need exact figures immediately.

Start by identifying what exists.

Then identify what you don’t know.

Sometimes the most important discovery during preparation is not an answer.

It’s finding the right question to ask.

4. Understand What Life Costs You

If you have never written down your actual monthly expenses, now is a good time to start.

Consider your:

• Housing
• Food
• Transport
• Medical expenses
• Insurance
• School fees
• Children’s activities
• Debt repayments
• Utilities
• Personal expenses
• Other regular financial commitments

This isn’t just budgeting.

It helps you think realistically about what life may look like when one household becomes two.

A proposed settlement can sound perfectly reasonable on paper and still leave you struggling every month if it doesn’t reflect the practical reality of your expenses.

5. Think About the Children Practically

If you have children, it is natural for emotions to dominate this part of the conversation.

Try to bring some practical thinking into it as well.

What does an ordinary school week look like?

Who currently handles drop-offs and collections?

Where do the children go to school?

What activities do they attend?

What happens during holidays?

How far apart will the parents live?

What expenses need to be covered every month?

What arrangement would create stability for the children rather than simply feel fair to the adults?

You don’t have to design the perfect parenting arrangement before proceedings begin.

But thinking through the children’s actual lives can make later conversations much more constructive.

6. Be Careful About Signing Something You Don’t Understand

You may be presented with a proposed settlement agreement.

You may hear:

“It’s standard.”

“This is what everyone does.”

“Just sign it so we can get this over with.”

That is precisely when you should slow down.

You don’t need to reject an agreement simply because someone else prepared it.

But you should understand what it does.

If you cannot clearly explain what an agreement means for your property, finances, pension, maintenance or children, consider getting advice before signing it.

A few uncomfortable questions now can be easier to deal with than regret later.

7. Write Down What You Don’t Know

This sounds simple, but it can be one of the most useful things you do.

Take a piece of paper and finish this sentence:

“Before I make a decision about my divorce, I need to understand…”

Then write.

Maybe it’s:

“…whether I can afford to keep the house.”

“…what happens to my pension.”

“…whether the children can continue living with me.”

“…whether I may have a maintenance claim.”

“…what happens if my spouse refuses to cooperate?”

“…whether the agreement I’ve been offered is fair.”

Your list doesn’t need to sound legally sophisticated.

It needs to contain the questions that matter to your life.

Those questions can become your roadmap for what you need to understand next.

Not sure how prepared you are to start the divorce process?

Our Divorce Readiness Assessment can help you identify the areas that may need more thought before you make your next move.

When Should You Speak to a Divorce Attorney?

You don’t have to wait until your divorce becomes hostile to speak with an attorney.

And speaking to one doesn’t mean you have decided to fight your spouse in court.

Sometimes legal advice is most valuable before the conflict begins.

You may want to get advice if:

• You don’t understand your matrimonial property regime
• There are significant assets or debts
• A house or other property is involved
• You or your spouse have pension or retirement interests
• You own a business or have complicated financial affairs
• There are disagreements about children
• Maintenance is likely to be an issue
• You believe assets or income are not being fully disclosed
• Your spouse is refusing to cooperate
• You’re being pressured to sign an agreement
• You’ve received divorce papers and don’t know how to respond
• You simply don’t know what your rights or options are

There is also a less obvious reason to speak to an attorney:

You want to keep things amicable.

Getting advice doesn’t have to create conflict.

In some cases, understanding your legal position can make negotiation easier because you know which issues genuinely matter and which ones may not be worth fighting over.

You can approach discussions from a position of clarity rather than fear.

And you don’t have to arrive at the consultation saying:

“I am definitely getting divorced.”

You can arrive saying:

“This is what’s happening. I need to understand where I stand.”

That is enough.

Frequently Asked Questions About Starting Divorce Proceedings in South Africa